Ten years ago, if you'd suggested that a computer no bigger than a Kellogg’s Individual Variety Coco Pops packet could he surfing the not with -look, ma! -no wires, you would have been laughed out of town. "Mad, completely mad..." the nurses would sigh ruefully, confiscating your green-screened Psion Organiser II and replacing it with a nice wax crayon, of similar hue.

But PDAs have come a long way in the past decade. And now it's crunch time for the clamshell. With more platforms than a Spice Girl's wardrobe, we've reached a crossroads -sooner or later, the jostling crowd of rival operating systems (EPOC, Palm OS, Pocket PC, etc.) will have to evolve towards a more universal standard. To make things even more confusing, Ol' Bluetooth is back, poised to bite through all those clumsy cables and render the mobile office truly mobile. The PDA is mutating with a speed that puts even the most rampant of genetically modified salmon to shame. So where will it be, in another ten years' time? Scrolling forward to 2010, we checked out those crucial Agenda entries along the way.

Desperate to consign Windows CE (aptly known as 'WINCE') to history's great Recycle Bin, Bill Gates launches a new cutdown operating system. Sadly for Bill, his 'Small Windows Edition' becomes universally dubbed 'SWINE'.

Trying to name their latest models, palmtop manufacturers realise they're running out of four letter words ending in 'o" (Revo, Velo, Nino, Aero, etc.) Nokia launch the unimpressive 'So-So' and the "Dodo", which is immediately rendered obsolete.

At the Ideal Home Show, Phillips unveil a palmtop with an inbuilt fridge-freezer. Computer magazines describe its dimensions as "a little on the bulky side". Millions of gadget freaks rush to buy it, however, on the basis that having a little light come on when you open the case is 'really cool" and you can stick magnets on the front to keep your Tesco Online shopping list handy.

Wearable technology becomes the latest must-have. Communication devices are implanted in shoes, leading to coach-loads of irritating yuppies declaring "Yah, hi! I'm on the trainers". DonnaKaran unveils her Don-an-anorak range on the catwalks of Milan, including combat trousers with a pocket organiser to help you work out how many pockets you've got in your combat trousers. Posh Spice refuses to model a new stylus on the grounds that it makes her look fat.

The first ultra-mobile office hits the streets, comprising a palmtop PC, folding keyboard, roll-up 14' screen, micro-mini printer, wireless phone and 2OGB of flash memory. The entire set-up weighs less than a bag of sugar. The battery, however, is the size and weight of a small family car.

HP's retro-style 'Yoko' is criticised for being ugly and tuneless and causing a rift between other members of the PDA family. Psion abandon plans to develop the 'Ringo' when they can't get the clock to stay in time.

Genetic engineers create a human being with extra large hands and 15 fingers, Palmtop developers heave a sign of relief, and add yet more unnecessary features.

Psion unveil the 'Pseudo', a sleek, chromium-plated empty case for swanky young executives to show off in meetings, without having the hassle of typing all their contact details into it only to find they can't make it work.

In recognition of the new religion of PDA usage, a new National Holiday is declared 'Palm Sunday'.

In recognition of the reliability of such machines, Palm Sunday is immediately followed by another holiday: Crash Wednesday.

A major breakthrough for text recognition software: the first system actually capable of decoding doctors' handwriting.

Industry bigwigs agree to drop the term 'Pocket Computer' in favour of the more accurate 'Backpack Or Large Suitcase PC'. Rival manufacturers stop competing to make the smallest and begin boasting about whose is the biggest. Women sigh: "so what's new?"

The first PDA with integrated cappuccino machine, bagless vacuum cleaner, nasal hair trimmer, cruise missile launcher, rotary clothes-airer, sunbed, sauna-and-solarium is launched. In their enthusiasm, engineers fail to notice that a bug has sent the date function completely haywire. The tiny minority of purchasers who actually notice this return their defective models, but are politely informed that the 12 month guarantee expired 24,500 years ago.

Debbie Barham is a TV scriptwriter, columnist and writer for magazines ranging from Computeractive to Cosmopolitan. She owns more handheld PCs than she has hands and is currently working on a major piece of humorous fiction: her 1999/2000 tax return.